College

Il faut cultiver notre jardin.

-Voltaire

This semester has been especially special to me in how much I have learned about myself.  There have been many big things going on like me beginning my first part-time job (I was self-employed throughout high school), getting called as Ward Mission Leader, and my mission call coming sometime within the next three days...to smaller, more personal things.

The biggest change that I can notice is the level upon which I have come to know and love my Savior, Jesus Christ.  I have been taking a New Testament Honors class here from Dr. Kelly Ogden that has opened my eyes to the magnitude and scope of Christ's infinite Atonement and just how much He has done for us.  Being called as Ward Mission Leader has been great for me because I had the opportunity to teach the "Gospel Essentials" class in my ward.  I used this class as an opportunity to share some of the things that I have been learning from Dr. Ogden.  Throughout the teaching experience, I had the recurring feeling that these lessons that I was teaching here will be lessons that I will teach again on my mission.  I am really grateful for the opportunity I had to teach and for the patience of those attending that class.  Being a great speaker/teacher was always a skill that I admired and hoped to attain.  I really hope that I can someday.

Another big change has been how much I have learned about myself.  I came to BYU not sure how I was going to fit in.  Not as in if I would make friends, but as in what niche I would fit into.  Everywhere I have gone, I have always tried to be the fastest, the strongest, the most like-able... etcetera.  This, of course, always came with mixed success, but I still strove nonetheless, to be the best at everything I deemed worthy.  It was exhausting and resulted in feelings of inadequacy when I didn't meet these lofty goals.  Now, I am at BYU.  Instead of competing against 2,000 at my high school, I am now one of 35,000...all of whom are gifted, bright individuals.  While my competitive side still gets me to try to be the best in a few categories...I've also realized that I need to stop pretending to be who I am not.  

I always tried to be the funny guy.  Well, I'm not the funny guy.  At-least not in the way that I used to define it. I used to always try to be the guy in the center of attention.  Well, I'm not that guy either.  I used to always try to be the guy that knew everything.  Well, I sure as heck am not that guy.

I have learned, however, who I AM.  

I AM the guy who will sit down with you when you need to chat about life.  I AM the guy who will take over a situation if I need to.  I AM the guy that will be over in 5 minutes if you need something at 2 in the morning.  I AM the guy that will work until the job gets done.  And I AM the guy that will not compromise on what I know in my heart is right.  

I AM a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and I AM a missionary of his gospel.

Il faut cultiver notre jardin.

-Voltaire

"Il faut cultiver notre jardin" means that we must cultivate our own garden.  It comes at the end of Voltaire's Candide.  What it means, when put into context with the rest of the book, is that while it is okay to philosophize and think of things beyond your control...at the end of the day, we need to worry about what we can control.  And that means the betterment of ourselves and those around us.  That's what I've been focusing on the most.  Becoming a better man.  Hopefully, I've accomplished something.